I have never been a park mom or one to take my kids on adventures. I literally would rather stick a needle in my eye then sit at a park toe tapping thinking about all the things on my “to do” list while my kids run around. I am almost positive I qualify for ADD or ADHD, OCD and Anxiety disorder, not to mention insanity. Taking my three boys anywhere is a major effort. Not so much anymore, but in the past, it was something I avoided. Caden was a handful. He was a wanderer, and so was Kyle, so having the two of them unaware of their surroundings or life around them was a heart attack waiting to happen. I would just rather not. Staying at home and enjoying a glass of wine sounds so much more appealing.
I learned to not set myself up, or put myself in positions that would make my anxiety soar. My boys definitely didn’t have fun with me constantly yelling at them, chasing them, telling them not to do this and not do that. They were supposed to be free and run wild, but that wasn’t what was happening at all. They were trapped. I felt like I had them on a bungee cord… they would run and I would pull them back… they would run, and I would pull them back. I found myself overly concerned with what others thought of my kids actions, or what they were doing. Caden was definitely a loose canon, you could never predict what he would do or say. I was overly cautious of disturbing others at restaurants, by being to loud, or letting my kids play out front, or bumping into people without care or an excuse me…. It wasn’t until recently that I realized my kids are doing exactly what all the other kids are and what all the other parents are allowing their kids to do. I am never bothered by other kids, so why am I so quick to pull the reins back on my own?
Over the past couple of years, I have learned not to care what others think, as long as I know in my heart I am being true to myself. The chokehold has lightened up around my neck and I have been able to let my kids “jog” free and wild. I no longer trap my boys in a cage, but allow them to explore the world and be who they are. The feelings I had of what others thought of my boys has gone. I was so concerned with people thinking my kids were acting a certain way, or being “weird”, and blaming it on their Autism, or being different. This wasn’t the case at all… it was my own insecurities taking over.
If Caden comes out of the bathroom with his pants a little crooked, just know it was hard for him to button his pants, and you should all be thankful they were up all the way. If you see Kyle running around the field like a cheetah, he probably thinks he is one. He is always acting out his latest favorite movie. If Caden farts or burps without a care, he will say excuse me, but he truly believes it is just a bodily function. Please let me know if you see any nose picking… that is where I draw the line and I will lose my s***! Inappropriate language, not acceptable, but I apologize in advance… really not their fault, their mom is a sailor. Being blunt, curt and having no sensor… we are still working on that. Being nice to everyone and not having a mean thing to say… that is Kyle and Caden… no apologies needed.