My third son Maguire is unique to say the least. Cool without even trying and a sense of style that is all his own. Picking up his older brothers from elementary school, the older kids would run over … “Hey Maguire”.. And the parents would say; “that kid is going to be president someday.”
Maguire is wise beyond his years, can hang with any adult conversation and nothing goes over his head. This is not always a good thing, especially at his age. He once brought home a pack of cigarettes he found at the beach to give to my friend who smoked. He told me he knew how expensive they were, but didn’t understand why she did “smokers” as he called them. Maguire is sweet and empathetic, says hello to every kid he knows. He reaches out and pays extra attention to the kids that are “special”- so much so that I have had parents approach me to to tell me how awesome it is that Maguire is so nice to their kid. I think that kids that have siblings with special needs have a soft spot and are drawn to other kids alike. Maguire is now in 2nd grade and will hang with the 5th grade girls and middle school boys. Every time he has a playdate, the parents rave about what a good polite kid he is… and if the friend has a younger sibling, how attentive he is to them (he has always wanted to be a big brother). People are just drawn to him, he is just that kid.
… You are probably thinking… man Alli, you really think highly of your son. The truth is I do, however, he saves being a little S*** for his mom, who is also his other pea in the pod. Very few see this side. It does not define who he is, it makes him real and authentic with flaws like every other kid. He hates and complains that I go out with my friends at night. He will text me while I am gone , messages that you would think are coming from a pissed off teenager. It is annoying, disruptive and I am soooo over it, but coming home to his little body laying on the floor by the front door with his blanket asleep waiting up for me, melts my heart. Maguire is a perfectionist to a fault. Having to do multiple drawings, letters or cards if there is the slightest mistake. He often watches what others are doing instead of worrying about himself. This does not come without tears and frustration. This carries onto the sports field, which is a whole other story. My only saving grace is that he does not like anyone seeing him cry. I always tell him, “no one can see you … wipe your tears and get back out there.” In contrast, he has received the MVP award several times… not for being the best player, but for having heart. We watch RUDY a lot. Always cheering on his team mates and telling them good job no matter what. One basketball season the coaches son would sit on the sidelines crying. He said that nobody passes to him. Maguire told him to come in and he would get him the ball. When the pass was made, the smile on that kids face was priceless. This meant the world to this kid, and wasn’t a second thought to Maguire
We have challenges with feeling left out. Maguire has been born into a world of therapy and people inside our home at all times. He has watched and observed every single therapist interact with his brothers and wants to be totally involved. He wants to be a helper, and he likes the attention from an elder. At 7, he can read better than both his brothers, solve math problems better and run circles around them with any physical activity they do. This as you can imagine does not make him well liked by his brothers. Maguire yearns for their attention and wants to interact, play and be apart of whatever they are doing. It has been difficult for them all to find a common interest. Kyle and Caden are mellow, lego builder and computer gamer. They have no interest in shooting hoops. With his pleading to play with them, he turns into a pest and that is all they see; Maguire the annoying brother. As a parent, this breaks my heart. I see that he is annoying… believe me I see it… but I also seeing him wanting acceptance by his two older brothers no matter how different they are.
When Kyle or Caden come home from a therapy of some sort, Maguire will ask… “how was Mrs. Adrian?” Kyle will reply with the most annoyed “FINE”. Maguire is really asking from a caring place, but it comes across condescending and Kyle feels it. Maguire has asked for the past year to see a therapist. He is so jealous that his brothers have a Mrs. Adrian, Mrs. Monica, Mrs. Aveen, Mrs. Kaycie, Mrs. Ronnie, Mrs. Lynn, Mrs. Melanie and Mrs. Annie to see and he has noone. At first I thought… “I’m just going to get him a therapist to shut him up…”, but the more his behaviors of fighting with me like a teenager continued, and him treating me like a personal assistant, I thought it wouldn’t be a bad idea. Maguire has his own Mrs. Chelsea now, and shares his feelings with her. They work on not needing to be perfect, how he can interact with his brothers without “annoying” them, and for me, most importantly, how to deal with having 2 brothers with special needs…
To be continued...